Saturday, March 2, 2013

My Unwanted Advice to People in the News This Week




Advice: Rock Stars need to stick to promoting Drugs, Sex, Rock
and Roll --and not World Peace! Now, with no Pope to promote the
Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, we can't afford to lose two
Holy Trinitys in the same week! It was disappointing to learn that
rocker Jon Bon Jovi is not joining the panel for "American Idol" or
"The Voice", but "The White House Council for Community Solutions".
It used to be we could count on Rock Stars to be role models for
leading a decadent lifestyle far worse than our own...now we have
only the politicians to look at. Just because politicians are legalizing
pot, sleeping with prostitutes, and constantly infighting,... it doesn't
mean they can be in a band!

Advice: Automobile companies have to stop selling electric cars that
cannot stay charged longer than my electric razor. The EPA is
reformulating the MPG standards for electric cars and so far they have
determined people in Los Angeles walk their dogs longer than they can
drive the new electric Nissan Leaf. If Thomas Edison had counted on
the batteries in the "Leaf" to test electricity, it would have been over
so fast, people would have thought he was inventing lightening instead
of the light bulb. It's one thing for my iPhone to run out of power during
an important call...but it would be true "Carmageddon" if more than 2
people ran out of "juice" on the 405 freeway at the very same time!

Advice: Dennis Rodman cannot have a "bromance" with Kim Jung-un.
This is what happens when "JDate" tries to expand its clientele. Kim
thought he was in the secret romance section, took one look at Dennis's
secret weapon and put him on the next plane to Pyongyang. For Dennis
...he thought he was answering an ad for a chain of "Korean Massage
Parlors".

Advice: Now that he has been approved as Defense Secretary, Chuck Hagel
has to show he can defend our country, better than he defended himself
against the Republicans. No one has looked that out of sync with Military
leadership, since Michael Dukakis tried to put a helmet on while sitting on
top of a tank! He didn't just turn the other cheek to Lindsey Graham and
John McCain, but had it slapped, pinched and placed on a whoopi cushion.
We are the only country that screens a potential Defense Secretary in open
hearings because public perception plays a critical role in projecting military
strength, but than feels it is necessary to do everything possible to create
the weakest perception possible before approving him!

Advice: The Pope needs to be allowed to still wear his red shoes. The Vatican
announced that the Pope Emeritus will be no longer be allowed to wear his
favorite red shoes after he goes off to a life of prayer and silence. Are they
afraid if he taps them three times he will be able to "get the hell out of there".  

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