Sunday, December 23, 2012

It's a Wonderful Life - by John Boehner

Clarence,

I do want to be Speaker of the House again...I do love the Republican Party. 
Please change it back! You were right...The Fiscal Cliff is no big deal!

Thank you for letting me see what life would have been like, if there had been no Republican Party! And no I have not been drinking - that is just a red "glow" on my cheeks from those Chestnuts roasting on the open fire!

And I am sorry that as an Angel you needed a green card before coming into the country, but ever since Roswell 51- we have been tough on the celestial border. Next time...come through Mexico!

You showed me a frightening world with Ronald Reagan still acting - Ralph Nader being President for 8 years and Tom Delay becoming the "Donald Trump" of Pesticides...because there was no "Donald Trump"...just little Donnie selling falafels on 6th avenue and 53rd street.

And because there was no "Donald Trump" there was no Celebrity Apprentice... but that is no reason not to return things to the way they were!

Clarence, you deserve your "Wings"...I want to hear those bells ring...I understand now that Fox News isn't real and that Santa Claus is not Rush Limbaugh no matter how much he threatens me about being naughty or nice!

I saw that with no Republican Party - there was no one to make the Democrats seem rational on Gun Control - Climate Change and Health Care...no one to argue against unemployment checks and social security benefits...How can you have a hero without a villain...a political Romeo without
a Paul Ryan!

But most of all Clarence...you made me see that a man will never be poor - if a man has friends! And who is a better friend to me than Eric Cantor...who set me up for that stupid Plan B vote when he knew we didn't have the votes!!!!

Please send me back Clarence...so you can get your "Wings" and I can make sure that Al Sharpton doesn't become Secretary of State and Bill Clinton doesn't become President of the NAACP.

Because at the end of the day - A day in the Life of being a Republican..."Is Still a Wonderful Life."

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